got a pain in my stomach.
These were hard, dark days for me.
I remember feeling so overwhelmed because I was trying to be attentive
to my children, but feeling physically so sick all the time.
I just hurt all over.
I wanted to curl up in a ball and disappear.
I was convinced that I had failed as a mother, burdened by guilt for
being sick and away from them in the hospital.
The frustration was almost unbearable.
Sister Yee has described hard, unbearable times in our lives
as "spiritual stretch marks."
That spoke right to me.
My whole life feels like it's been one giant spiritual stretch mark.
But I'm proud of these stretch marks!
I've learned so much from them.
I am grateful for them.
And I got through it.
I didn't give up.
The Nies got through it, and they didn't give up!
And we are all braver because of what we've been through together.
We've been stretched personally and as a family, sometimes to our limit,
but we did it.
We're still doing it.
Yes, I still feel guilt sometimes when I think
about it those days, but the Lord knows what we've been through.
Of course, He knows.
He never gave up on me or my children.
His arms are stretched out still.
He, too, has carried me and will never let go.
And that knowledge is purifying!
"Perhaps like me, you have pleaded for help to not be left alone
during some of the most emotionally, physically, and spiritually
demanding seasons of your life. These intense seasons of growth
have left what I call “spiritual stretch marks” on the soul.
But I bear witness that
He has carried me, and He will carry you. He has graven you upon
the palms of His hands (see Isaiah 49:16; 1 Nephi 21:16).
He has been there as you’ve sought “to be righteous in the dark.”
He has not forsaken me, nor will He forsake you.
And I will love Him forever for it."
