Boy Food

 The last week was a hard one.  

A family in our church congregation has been struggling with a lot of issues, 

family deaths, health problems, and serious sickness, and last week their 

12-year-old daughter took her own life.

As a mother, I was heartbroken, but as the Relief Society president, 

I had to jump into action and help where and when needed.  

Wednesday-Sunday, I was totally consumed with helping and arranging.

Together Jane and I visited their home to assess needs; clearly, 

there was a lot!

The house was cluttered and messy.  

Laundry in every nook and cranny of the house, 

garbage everywhere, the kitchen needed decluttering, 

and a live Christmas tree still stood drying in the corner of the living room

complete with decorations and lights.

I arranged for several sisters, including Jane and me, 

to go into the home and deep clean.  

We loaded up 20 giant black garbage bags full of 

clothes that needed to be washed into my car and 

I distributed them to other sisters in the congregation.

The family didn't even own a vacuum.  

Serving with Jane was such a gift for me.

Seeing her help, love, and minister to my friend and her

the family was inspiring and beautiful, and I hope to never forget it.

I have been on the phone making arrangements, and it's taken

me away from my family, and Lottie has noticed.

Yesterday Christian took Oliver and Lottie to the church gym to play 

basketball, then over to MacDonlands for lunch.

Oliver was really excited for Lod to try out the fish fillet sandwich.

Christian told me she had eaten a whole sandwich, including a giant

Dr. Pepper and french fries.

Later in the evening, I could tell Lottie wasn't doing so well.

She was acting squirmy, and every time I would say,

"Lottie, are you feeling ok?"

She would shoot back defensively,

"Yes, why?"

Finally, at night when I suggested she get ready for bed, she was really

happy to go and didn't put up a fuss.

That's when I really knew something was up.

I followed her to her room and snuggled with her for a while, and asked

her what was really wrong.

She finally broke down and said her tummy hurt.

Then she began to shake and ask for me to say a prayer.

I called Christian to come up to her room, and we prayed 

again, and she shared her faith with us in her 8-year-old way.

She said that sometimes when she doesn't feel good, she asks

Heavenly Father to send down the Holy Ghost to hold her hand.

She said, "I know the spirit doesn't actually hold my hand,

 but I like to imagine he is."  I melted.  

Then she started to shake, and I picked her up and said that I 

knew she didn't want to throw up, but that I thought her body really needed

to, and that she'd feel much better.

  She resisted, and then I did something mean- but for her own good!

I reminded her of the fish sandwich she had eaten at lunch, 

which worked immediately because she threw up within seconds.

In between heaves, she said to me, 

"I will never eat boy food again!".

I know the food didn't sit right with her, but more than that, I think

she senses the stress and distance from me.

The Nies are so connected to me in every way.

Lottie lay on our couch in our bedroom, sleeping like a log with a big silver bowl nearby.

 She looked peaceful, but I couldn't sleep.  

I had so many thoughts and feelings pulsing through my mind.

So much uneasiness, worry, and frustration.

But looking at her sleeping comfortably put me at ease.

I need to remind myself that God is my father, and he doesn't want 

me to suffer.  He wants to guide me through the hard times,

He loves me and wants my happiness just like I wish for Lottie.

And for my friends in their situation, too.

Christian and Ollie, 2005,

before Ollie started eating "boy food."

Sunday School in Bed

 On Sunday I had a Bishopbric meeting that went a little long and 

 I wasn't able to wake up the Nies like I usually do for their Sunday School Zooms.

After my meeting, I ran upstairs to wake up the boys and found them 

snuggled up together in their beds on their phones attending their

 separate Sunday School zooms (video off, for obvious reasons).  

I was shocked at how just a year ago life was normal,

and now it's totally different.  I wonder if we will ever be the same?

I sent this text out to everyone:

I have to admit, I have loved a lot of the "new way" of life

since COVID.  Sunday School in bed is pretty nice.

But I just seem so irreverent.

COVID, PLEASE END!

Recede in Priority

In 2019, President Russell M. Nelson gave a talk directed

 to the women of the church titled Spiritual Treasures.

I remember the night so well. I sat in the church on a pew in between

 Claire and Jane.  His words that night were life-changing

and he said something in particular that struck

a deep chord within me.

As soon as I could get my hands on a copy of his talk I read,

prayed, re-read, prayed more, and counseled with Christian about it

and what it meant for me in my life.

I marked it up with my notes, my questions, and other scriptures

and gospel references. 

( And it kind of looked like this:)

"How do I draw the Savior’s power into my life?

You won’t find this process spelled out in any manual. 

The Holy Ghost will be your personal tutor as you seek to understand 

what the Lord would have you know and do. 

Part of this endeavor will require you to put aside many things of this world. 

Sometimes we speak almost casually about walking away from the 

world with its contention, pervasive temptations, and false philosophies.

 But truly doing so requires you to examine your life meticulously and regularly. 

As you do so, the Holy Ghost will prompt you about what 

is no longer needful, what is no longer worthy of your time and energy.

As you shift your focus away from worldly distractions, 

some things that seem important to you now will recede in priority. 

You will need to say no to some things, even though they may seem harmless. 

As you embark upon and continue this lifelong process of consecrating

 your life to the Lord, the changes in your perspective, feelings, 

and spiritual strength will amaze you!"

Publicly blogging has been such a huge part of my life.

It's opened doors for me and my family.

I have met and enjoyed friendships with so many people from 

all over the world!

I have been the recipient of so much love, faith, and support

and feel so overwhelmed at the goodness of so many strangers.

My blog has been a priority in my life for almost 17 years, 

 SEVENTEEN YEARS!

 That's a really, really long time!

As I have prayerfully considered my life and my priorities now,

publicly blogging is "receding in priority".

But I want you to know that I believe in Christ.

I believe that He blesses our lives when we listen,

heed, and obey His words and commandments.

I have confidence that He will bless me and my family

with the things that we need and desire by letting things

recede naturally in our lives.

I LOVE YOU!

“It takes both faith and 

courage to let God prevail. It takes persistent,

 rigorous spiritual work to repent and to put off the natural man

 through the Atonement of Jesus Christ. It takes consistent, 

daily effort to develop personal habits to study the gospel,

 to learn more about Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ,

 and to seek and respond to personal revelation.”

President Russell M. Nelson

18 Celebrating JANE 18.

 It's hard to believe Jane (Jan, Janet) is EIGHTEEN!!  

Where is the time flying to? Seriously, slowwww down!  

Jane stayed up until midnight so we could 

 celebrate every second of February 18th. 

While she sat on the stairs in her PJs in the dim light,

Christian and I shared her birth story when

 I went into official labor around 1:00 a.m.,

then going into harder labor around 2:30 a.m., and finally going to the hospital

around 3:20 a.m., 

 (we left baby Claire alone in her crib sleeping...but to be fair, 

Lucy was on her way to our house and

 Claire wasn't alone for more than 5 minutes...10 at the most).

Jane was officially born at 3:48 a.m.

Then we got pulled over by a cop for going over

 100 mph on State Street in Orem, followed by me taking my pants

 off in front of the cop because I was pretty sure 

Jane was going to be delivered on the front seat.

The cop told us, "Go, Go, Go!!!" 

while waiving us on to the hospital.

Chrisitan loved the freedom of going as fast as he could on the "big roads."

Jane's birth story is one of my best!

A few days before her birthday 

I ordered Gold "J" "A" "N" "E" balloons to hang up.

And wouldn't you know it, only the "J" "A" and two "N"'s got delivered?

So it said "Happy Birthday Jan." It put her in a bad mood because

she loves/hates when we call her Jan.  But I swear I didn't do it on

purpose!! Luckily for me, the 'E' came midday, and we fixed the sign.

Whew!

Jane opened a few gifts while Claire had her MTC meetings

at the table next to us.  

Claire wanted to make sure to attend every single minute of Jane's day.

These sisters kill me...I love them!

North Carolina has been in the wettest winter I've experienced.

I swear it's been raining since January.

Jane opened up her gifts. 

(Dr. Martens!! The same style that I had at her age),

a plant from Claire, Anthropologie bowls to carry on the tradition,

cookbook, and a darling little white porcelain tea set.

We all got dressed and jumped in the car headed to Apex where 

we ordered milkshakes and fries from Chick-fil-a!

I drove (in the pouring rain) to a movie theater for popcorn to take

home and watch Jane's favorite movie: The Titanic.

We snuggled together on the couch to watch the 3 hours movie.

We ate popcorn & Junior mints, Christian picked up pizza, and finally, 

when the movie was over, we ate the chocolate cake

I made it a few days in advance since

 it's SO MUCH BETTER on the third day!

We sang, and she blew out her candles

followed by a bubbly and a toast!

Here's to YOU, Jane!

"The Year of Claire"

 Claire and Gigs both gave talks in church today,

and Christian gave the closing prayer!

Gigs and I had been working on his talk in home school for nearly 2 weeks.

We were studying arachnids and he LOVES scorpions, and so we

decided to somehow work scorpions in his message.

 Elder Patrick Kearon gave a great talk about "spiritual scorpions"

and he used some of his talk and his own personal stories and it

was really, really sweet.

He did a wonderful job and smiled a few times which was a miracle since he woke

up super grouchy and cried all the way to church.

Claire gave her "farewell" talk today and Christian and I cried the

whole time.  She was amazing and blew me away with her

maturity and wisdom.  Her talk was perfect and so spiritual and she spoke

clearly and slowly.  I really was blown away.

Christian always dubbed about 2020 being "the year of Claire".

It was the year that we hoped Claire would see good change and progression

in her life.  Dating, job, school, a study abroad option, too!

But then COVID happened and changed all of that.

Everything was canceled in her life and

it was then that she felt prompted to pray about serving a mission. 

The Lord closed so many windows in her life but opened others

and they were most important for her experience and progression.

I am so thankful she recognized that in her life as a blessing.

She is going to be an AMAZING missionary and I am so proud of her!

Christian and I looked at each other several times today

and just shook our heads because we are so grateful for our children.

They are so good.

We've got a lot of problems and some very serious frantic problems,

but we don't worry one second about our children. 

That is a HUGE blessing that I am overwhelmed and grateful for.

They are incredible.

Go, Nielson family, Go!!

GOLDEN 18

Today is Jane's GOLDEN birthday!
EIGHTEEN ON THE EIGHTEENTH!

Golden Definitions:

1). To be perfect, or exactly what's needed

2). Good to go

3.) Great quality and value

4.) Jane Bronwyn

Happy Birthday, sweet, sweet Jane.

She Wants More

 As I was doing school with Lottie and Gigs at the table,

 Jane came flying down the stairs.

Her denim shirt had sweaty stains, and her hands were shaking.

  "Mom, Mom, oh my gosh, Mom!  I called two hotels to see if they 

were hiring, and they both pretty much gave me an interview 

over the phone, and I think I got a job!"

Last December, Jane quit her job on the farm.  

She was tired of her hair smelling like manure, 

tired of being the farm babysitter to the owner's

 little 4-year-old daughter, who would follow her around everywhere.

And, of course, she wanted more hours and more money. 

The farm was a wonderful experience for 

Jane and LOVED working with the cows.

But she wants more. 

Last week I suggested she go to Arizona and live

 with Lindsay and Spencer, where she could

 get a job, go to a singles ward, and most importantly, DATE!!!!  

That excited her, and immediately she began job hunting in that area.

This summer, she plans to go on a study abroad trip with options

to visit Alaska, Hawaii, or Europe.  

(She's leaning toward the Alaska trip).

I'm so excited for her and so grateful she is willing to try hard things

 to expand her learning and growing experiences.  

She will miss Claire terribly while on her mission, 

and I've worried about how "Clane" will handle this break-up.

Jane's new opportunities will fill her life with happiness, 

knowledge, experience, and, most importantly, boys!! ;)

She is so beautiful, and I want so much for her.

 I realize I can't offer much right now,

 especially in our meager financial situation, but I am so proud

of her for taking the initiative and making life happen.

She's an inspiration to me.

(Jane cooking bread with me in New Jersey, 2004)

Garlic & Ginger

Around the table at dinner tonight I shared with the Nies and experience 

I had while out and about grocery shopping.

In the car, I listened to this week's scripture reading

in the Doctrine and Covenants which is very short, and

  in my opinion, some of the best and most powerful counsel.

 "Behold, blessed are you for this thing, and for speaking my words 

which I have given you according to my commandments.

 And now, behold, I say unto you, that the thing which will be 

of the most worth unto you will be to declare repentance

 unto this people, that you may bring souls unto me, 

that you may rest with them in the kingdom of my Father. Amen."

Then I pulled into the parking lot of Trader Joe's and waited

in a line in the rain for 15 minutes to get inside.

 I went to the frozen food section where I usually find my minced cubed garlic.

This is one of those food items that I stock up on every time I shop

because I go through a package of it at least once a week.

It's kind of vital to my cooking.

I was very disappointed when there was no minced garlic to be found.

There was however plenty of minced ginger that comes in the same packaging.

I should know because one time about a year ago I bought like 

5 packs of ginger thinking it was garlic.

I'm still creatively trying new recipes that call for minced ginger.

Today as I was searching for the garlic 

I noticed another lady standing close to me

watching me.  I decided to start looking through the ginger packs

just in case a pack of garlic was hiding underneath.

And wouldn't you know it, a huge stack of garlic lay hidden under

several packs of ginger. 

 Then I began putting them in my cart when the lady who

was watching me said, "wait, is that garlic?"  

"Yes", I replied "I found them hiding under the ginger.  

Looks like there is plenty

how many do you need?"  Then I began putting several in her cart and mine.

"Oh my goodness!  I am so glad you found them!" She said to me.

"I couldn't find them anywhere.

Thank you so much for finding them!"

Then I remembered the scripture that I had just heard in the car

that THE MOST WORTH to us is to teach about Jesus Christ.

and teach repentance and the joy of forgiveness.

I have the sweet gospel fully in my life and I want to share this

with everyone, just like the woman who wanted garlic but couldn't find

it.  I have the gospel and I can give it to her. 

More than that I WANT to give it to her!!

It reminded me of another scripture in the Doctrine and Convents;

"For there are many yet on the earth....kept from the truth because they

 know not where to find it."

I taught the Nies tonight that if Christ told us that the most 

important work is to share His gospel with others,

then this is what we should be spending our time doing.

Yesterday we took treats to a neighbor who we see every day

but haven't officially met.  

I called a woman in our congregation whose sister had passed away recently.

She was heartbroken and I had called to comfort her,

 but instead, I hung up the phone

 with a better understanding of God's plan for me.

We also took and shared our Valentine's Day dinner with a friend whose

 husband recently passed away very unexpectedly.

Today on my way home I asked the Lord to forgive me for being

so sad and consumed by my own struggles and worries lately that I 

didn't open my eyes to the service and joy that is all around me.

I needed the garlic and ginger experience to help me to recommit myself

to service, to open my mouth, and share what is "of the most worth".

I'm grateful that He shows His love to us through others,

and through experiences like garlic and ginger.

{Jane with her cute cousin, Harriet, 2013

Justin Hackworth}

PS... on Valentine's Day, Jane and Claire made the cutest most 

delicious homemade marshmallows

with our favorite liquid gold hot chocolate!