Last evening at exactly 5:30, I slipped my apron over my neck
and tied the strings behind me.
Something went off in my head and heart
and I don't think I will ever be able to explain it-
and I don't think I will ever be able to explain it-
but I want to try at least.
There were days in my life right after the accident--
Actually, even after the accident, I couldn't tie for a long time.
Couldn't tie anything: shoes, ribbons for hair,
ribbons for presents, and apron strings.
ribbons for presents, and apron strings.
My fingers would fumble around, and frustration ALWAYS got the best of me.
After a while, I didn't even try anymore,
and I would back up into Mr. Nielson (or any of the Little Nies)
to have them tie the blasted strings for me.
I can't say exactly when something clicked in my
brain, and I decided that I needed to tie the dang apron strings myself.
And it wasn't just apron strings. It was, well, everything.
I needed to at least try to tie my apron strings, empty the vacuum cleaner,
button up my own shirts, do the girl's hair, load the dishwasher,
put my own make-up on, brush my own hair,
make my own bed, and well, I think you get it.
But the apron strings were one of those pivotal things because as much as
I would sometimes cringe when my mom would show up at
one of my basketball games in high school, wearing her apron,
I know now why she did it.
It wasn't that she was sloppy or lazy, and it certainly
wasn't that she was trying to embarrass me.
She did it because she was a mother.
She was a beautiful mother through and through, and the apron was her "cape."
You could say, a symbol of strength and endurance and femininity.
You could say, a symbol of strength and endurance and femininity.
Any mother I talk to knows that motherhood,
while very fulfilling, is also very exhausting- and the apron reminds us
to keep pushing on to that bedtime hour and that we're doing our best.
Tonight I dug into my apron pocket to find a stick of gum,
a cough drop, two small thumbtacks, a shell from our walk down to the river,
crumpled-up tissues, a poop sack for Angus, and a Lego Batman figurine.
It was a day's worth of treasures from little and big hands.
I know not all women share this sentiment, and that's OK,
but this is why I learned to tie my apron strings-
this is why I am a better woman and mother.
This is why I am alive.
* * * * * * * *
She is beginning her journey back home!!!
Today she will spend the day in Fiji and then fly to LA.
From LA, she will catch her flight to bring her all the way across
the country to us in North Carolina!
They built this structure for a family!
