24/7, 730 days

 

Nicholas, 5, holding his new sister, Lottie, on her BIRTHday.

I love this picture so much!

I remember how excited he was to hold Lottie in the hospital.

Then about 1 minute later, he looked at me and said,

"Ok, I'm done."

Today, we spoke to Gigs in Slovakia.

He's happy, and he LOVES this area and his companion.

I am so grateful that he feels this way in his first area. 

It's fascinating to see how differently my four missionary 

children have approached their missions. 

Gigs' attitude is typical for him; 

he has always been such an easygoing kid.

He's pretty accommodating, but also very opinionated.

This 24/7, 730-day service in Slovakia will not only help him develop

a closer relationship with the Savior and the people he is serving,

but he'll grow into a man, leaving all selfish traits.

I can already see it.

Halloween 2025

We celebrated Halloween.  

Somehow, I pulled off a dinner (I even made chili!)

We had the usual Halloween dinner suspects:

dry ice with root beer

charcuterie board covered with flies and bugs

sourdough bread and

Jane made cookies, which we didn't eat because I think

we were all sugared out.

I must have had 100 Snickers and 100 Tootsie Rolls throughout the day

 not because I wanted to eat treats, but because this pregnancy has made me

have the WORST taste in my mouth ALL THE TIME, and 

so I keep eating sugary stuff.

This pregnancy has been so strange.

After dinner, we drove out of Stillstead country

and into our old neighborhood so Lottie could

find her friends, and we could see the fun decorations and 

watch the kids running around.

I love Halloween.

Earlier this morning, Jane and Lottie (who skipped school)

went to a Barre3 class at the studio, both wearing matching Halloween bows.

I was sad to miss the class, but vigorous exercise physically hurts

my super non-stretchy pregnant skin.  So I'm skipping out.

Next year I WON'T be pregnant and WILL have a little

baby girl whom I get to introduce ALL my favorite 

Halloween everything's!

I get to read ALL my Halloween books to her,

and watch ALL my favorite Halloween cartoons together.

It can't come soon enough!

Validating

 

Today was NOT a good day.

The morning expected throw-ups lasted ALL DAY.

I was also very super emotional. 

It hurts to work out in the studio,

And my nausea meds make me dizzy.

Christian took me in the truck to go for a ride.

It was nice to get out.

And, I love feeling baby six move around in my belly,

 it's so validating and gives purpose to my many woes.

It's Been Two Months

It's been two months since I last checked in with the NieNiedialogues!  
Every day feels like a battle.  This pregnancy has been complicated.  

Between the 24/7 nausea, loss of energy, a touch of depression, and physical pain 

(burns and pregnancy are really painful), 

I've only been able to do the very, very minimum to survive.
But baby six is growing healthy (and happy- she never stops moving); 

I'm now entering my 6th month.

Christian told me, as I complained and cried to him last night in both pain and frustration, 

to focus on growing baby six right now, and he'll take care of the rest.  

And he will- and does! But for me, while I am incredibly grateful, 

every day, my world moves on without me, and I feel like I miss the train every day.  

This is a feeling that only women can understand, because we

carry guilt alongside our numerous responsibilities anyway.  
I've been in this situation before—sick and bedridden, relying completely on others.

It's not a comfortable place to be, and I sometimes wonder if

 God thought I didn’t learn the lessons I needed from those experiences,

so I'm here again.
I know God doesn't work like that, but I wonder.

I'm going to back-blog and catch up for the last two months. 

So much has happened, and for the sake of posterity, 

I want to document it all.

As I type this, October is displaying its beauty outside my window, and 

that is bringing me so much joy.

Happy Birthday, Elder Gigs!

 Today is Elder Nicholas Jones Nielson's birthday!  He is 19!

I had donuts sent to him in the MTC along with a few other little goodies.

I miss him so much.

I miss his jokes, his stories, and watching him cook.

His room STILL looks the way it did when he left 5 weeks ago.

I don't have the heart to take the sheets off his bed.

(I don't have the energy either).

He was able to call home, and we talked for a few minutes.

He usually calls home for the last 30 minutes on P-day, anyway.

My other missionaries would call right when P-day began 

and we'd talk ALL DAY.

Not Gigs. 

Mr. Independent.

Indifferent

One of the saddest things about being pregnant is that things I love

go on a little hiatus.  

Like cooking, taking photos, blogging, and making my bed 

(because I'm in it all day).

Getting dressed in the morning, listening to music, Barre3/exercise,

and I hate to say it, but even my prayers have been so slacking.

I'm not mad, I'm just indifferent to everything.

I'm just trying to survive from the second my eyes open in the

morning to when they close at the end of the day.

This weekend was General Conference, an event that I love and 

look forward to twice a year.

This October conference did not disappoint.

"Saints can be happy under every circumstance.

 We can feel joy even while having a bad day, 

a bad week, or even a bad year!

...The joy we feel has little to do 

with the circumstances of our lives and everything

 to do with the focus of our lives."

-Russell M. Nielson

Documentary!

 It's OUT!!

Our Kilimanjaro documentary is now available for your viewing pleasure!

You can watch it on Apple TV or Amazon!

 

Picking Pumpkins

 Christian has been pumping me up, trying to get me excited

(and trying to get me to smile), about picking out pumpkins for the studio.

Typically, Christian would leave this job up to me, and usually,

this is the type of activity that I'm happy doing alone.

But Christian is desperately trying to make me happy

so I don't die of depression and sickness.

He is the 100% best.

This pregnancy has never just been me.

He carries this load with me, and I love him so much for it.

I pointed to the pumpkins I liked, he picked them up, and put 

them in the cart, and then we drove to the studio

and set them out near the front doors.

They look super cute.

Now, back to bed.

October 1st Bummer

I've been so sick that I've forgotten what it's like not to be sick,

and I think it's bringing up some PTSD from the days of recovering after the

accident. I was sure I'd be sick forever.

Every day is a full-on battle for me.

Trying to make myself eat.

Trying to drink water.

Trying to hold back the vomit.

Trying not to itch my burned, stretched skin.

Today is October 1st,

the day we start celebrating Halloween, and 

my favorite month of the year.

This afternoon, Christian took me in the car after work

to get donuts per our tradition.

I didn't even eat one, and I fell asleep while we were watching

The Legend of Sleepy Hollow, like we do every October 1st.

It was a big, big bummer.

Studio Smell

 

I attempted to go inside the studio today to deliver the Halloween dolls

for the play lounge area!

I was so excited about it.

But I threw up in the bathroom and then went home defeated.

I pray that the smell in the studio won't make me sick

after I have the baby!

Gigs In The MTC #5

 

Gigs has now been in the MTC in Provo for 5 weeks.

Every week when we talk, he is doing so well.

He is so happy living independently.

He is exactly where he should be in his life right now,

and has prepared to serve a mission his whole life,

and it shows.

He Changed My Life

Today was a sad day.

I was so sick in bed for most of it.

(I'm always sick in bed, it seems.)

I watched the updates on the horrible LDS church shooting

and subsequent fire in Michigan.

And,

our mourning our beloved Prophet, Russell M. Nelson,

who passed away.

It was a day of sorrow and grief for members of

The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.

I will miss President Nelson.

I love him and am so grateful for him.

When he became the prophet in 2018, I studied ALL

of his hundreds of talks, and it changed my life.

As followers of Jesus Christ, we should lead the way as peacemakers.

 As charity becomes part of our nature, we will lose the impulse to demean others. 

We will stop judging others. We will have charity for those from all walks of life. 

Charity towards all men is essential to our progress. 

Charity is the foundation of a godly character.

Let us plead with our Heavenly Father to fill our hearts with

 greater charity—especially for those who are 

difficult to love—for charity is a 

gift from our Heavenly Father for true followers of Jesus Christ. 

The Savior is the Prince of Peace. We are to be His instruments for peace.

-Russell M. Nelson, April '25

9/27

 When I started construction on my Barre3 studio, I held

Barre classes outside on the grass across from the studio

to get some exposure from the community and show them who we are.

It was such a fun way to meet people.

Those days are on pause for me.

I've passed that responsibility to my instructors now.

A few days after I gave birth to Lottie, nearly 14 years ago,

my plastic surgeon, Dr. J., 

did some reconstructive surgery on my abdomen to remove the deep

and painful scarring on my belly from the accident,

 and to remove my diseased gallbladder, which, too,

was causing excruciating pain.

Because of those surgeries, the plumbing inside me is a little different,

which may be contributing to the severe pain I feel when I move

and stretch.

All that to say, I don't really work out anymore

and that's been hard and sad because I worked so hard to get 

to this point.  

Right now, I'm working really hard on another project.

Gumballs

 

Today was not a good day.

Today was horrible.

I am so sick and am vomiting every 30 minutes.

I wish I could just sleep until January.

Christian took me to get gumballs, which I chew daily

because I have THE WORST TASTE in my mouth 

at all times, and hate anything minty.

My teeth are cooked.

I'll deal with that later.

As of right now, this baby is made up of

-gumballs & Frokes from McDonald's.

And I cry a lot.

I'm Doing It

Today I went to Target for some groceries and then found myself

in the baby section, picking out little outfits for Baby 6.

I know I'm emotional because I'm pregnant, but tears 

streamed down my face as I chose soft, fuzzy little clothes 

for this mysterious miracle baby.

Today, something inside me clicked.

I KNOW she is a miracle from God, but I've just had so many

other things going on, plus being super sick, I wasn't giving myself permission

to be thrilled and grateful.

Shopping for her was so healing, exciting, and bonding.

I literally have NOTHING for this little girlie, so I'm starting from scratch.

I went home and laid the clothes out on my bed, 

and in tears, I showed them with Christian, Jane, and Lottie,

who were equally excited about them.

It's comforting to feel her moving more.

It reminds me of the joy that lies ahead and reassures me 

that I'm not sick for no reason. I'm sick because 

I'm growing another human inside me.

And because I know I won't be sick forever.

I'm doing it.

I'm doing it because I was born resilient and strong,

and can do hard things.

I've proved that.

I'm doing it because I have the best kids, who are so

supportive and helpful.

I'm doing it because of the texts my Mom, sisters, and friends send me

to encourage and support me.

I'm doing it because of Christian, who is in this

with me day after day after day, sharing the load with me.

(And takes me to get lunch almost every day,

which has been a huge for me in this upward climb.)

I'm doing it because God is a God of miracles.