NieNie Dialogues: I May Be Here For A While

(This photo is of me and the Nies in the burn center

after my first failed surgery last January.

I don't want to do this again.)

Mr. Nielson, Hunchie, and I flew down to Phoenix for

round four of treatments.
Upon viewing Hunchie, Dr. L. said it looked like it was in

the first few stages of infection.
So, he told me that I had to stay in Phoenix to do the actual procedure.

Like now. Like, tomorrow.
What?
After a few minutes, I looked at him in shock.
Wait, what? Stay? Here? Today? Surgery...??

Just hours ago, Mr. Nielson and I woke up and went to the

Salt Lake City airport like we do every Tuesday,

and we planned to be back and sleeping in our own bed in Provo at bedtime.

Except this time, we were not coming home, and I only packed my purse.
And I only packed my purse!
No pills, clothes, toothbrushes, or bumble hair products.
The children all expected us to be home tonight

(with treats, too!), and we will not.

And I have serious guilt.
On top of guilt, I am really nervous about the actual procedure.

Like, really nervous!

I am scheduled to be admitted to the burn center tonight

for the actual 8-10 hour procedure tomorrow.

I had imagined the surgery happening differently.

Dr. L. informed me that I may possibly be in a coma for a

few days after the surgery because the procedure is very complex and risky.

Being unconscious for a while is best for the necessary work.

I've been in this scenario multiple times before,

and it's not entirely horrible.

Those out-of-body experiences were profoundly

meaningful and beautiful to me.